There are days when you know nothing is going to happen and there are days when you feel everything might happen. The morning I first ran into Kristen was one of the latter …
Spending time with Kristen changes you and looking back I can see that I was a different person then than I am now … I’d dare to declare these two me’s as “pre-Kristen” and “post Kristen” …
The sun was shining as it always did those first few months …
There was something about the frailty and awkwardness, the uncertainty, the second guessing, the fear that I might break her that drew me to Kristen … I never realized that these instincts were actually foreshadowing the future …
She was wearing her hair down when we first met. The night she stayed over, she had pulled her hair back and that it is when I noticed – the fivehead.
I’m sorry my mom was texting me through our entire dinner at Cin-Cin. You’re right it was rude, but what is worse Kristen? Getting text’s from my mom, or you showing up with ANOTHER GUY! I thought we were exclusive. I want my stuffed koala bear back.
Actually I still love you. I don’t care if you love someone else. I’m here FOREVER.
Remember when you shared that story with me about your brother looking at you in the shower. Now I get it.
I love how you always smell like soap!
I can’t get enough of you biting your lip! I was surprised that you even do it in the shower while washing your hair!
Consequently the first thing I said to Kristen Stewart was, “Hey, we’re wearing the same black hoodie … where’d you get yours?”
She just laughed. That was my favorite. So unexpected, her laugh. She would only cry at the movies, and only at the horrible obvious ones.
We once fucked on Robert Pattinson’s bed. At that moment, I felt like the sexiest man on the face of the earth.
She always hated when I used that word, but that’s what I brought to Kristen … a realism that she rarely sees in her world.
They say that smell is the sense tied closest to our memories… no wonder the pungent funk of skunk weed and Doritos® Cool Ranch chips makes me think of you.
I always thought about pearl necklaces when I smelt those chips.
And by pearl necklaces I mean the dreams you told me of. Those cold mornings we’d wake up holding each other and you’d tell me about your dreams about diving deep into the dark water.
“Soooooo hot, Black hoodie was a bad idea” screamed Kristen.
“Do you know what a dreamcatcher is?” I asked.
“No, I don’t. Please tell me,” Kristen said.
“It’s the towel or sock I used to wipe up after I jerk-off thinking about you and that hoodie,” I explained.
“Oh,” she said.
“I guess that means my “back” and “face” are also dream catchers?”
Breaking up with @officialkrist was my doing & don’t get me wrong, obviously I was never so unrefined during our relationship. Looking back I find humor is a good way to deal with my brief moments of heartache …
Let’s go back to the good times … like when we shared our first milkshake and Kristen ‘white-girl’ rapped that Missy Elliott song.
I laughed so hard at her ‘wrappin’. She could always make me laugh.
Kristen wasn’t too happy with the strawberry shake I had come out of my nose.
maybe we should just forget about it. or maybe we should be together forever. come back to me :/ i love you.
“Bumped” into Kristen on my way to work again this morning … she had two coffees and played like she hadn’t planned on seeing me … it’s just getting too obvious, but thanks for the coffee anyways babe.
I know you had a long night filming the latest #twilight movie on Abbot and Water.
Don’t worry babe, one day you’ll be in a real Film Festival movie.
Kristen would come over and reminisce about “Into the Wild” to which I’d always ask, “so did anything juicy happen on the set of Twilight today?”
and she’d always just brush it off, cause she never wanted me to know that she had a shitty day cause she was thinking about me the whole time, and that the director gave her shit AGAIN for not biting her lip at the right time!
Some time has past, and things started to cool off with Kristen and me. I wasn’t sure what it was. Maybe it was because I made out with her sister?
Kristen keeps poking me on facebook.
Kristen told me once that she thought she had a voice over narrator like in that Sex In The City TV show … I explained to her that the other word for that was schizophrenia.
I went to see Twilight New Moon cuz I heard Kristen had a sweet titty shot and part of me missed them … when I went to hand my money to the theater attendant he said, “there has been a ticket waiting for you since opening night.”
Kristen and Juliet are often mistaken as sisters, since they have the same last name. They are really good friends. Kris lets Juliet borrow her clothing, and since she is dating Michael, Juliet dates Rob. They’re all happy, and they go to eat sushi together, all four of them :3
I had bought the tickets to CATS for us 2 weeks before. But on the night, she never showed. I waited outside the theatre for her until they closed the doors. There was no word from her all night. I texted her the next morning, “so, i guess you died on the way to meet me…” She never texted back. In fact, she might really have died. Im not sure.
But then I realize she can’t die. Robert would protect her. That was always my shortcoming. Guess they were at modern burger.
She bit her lip and then I said GOODBYE
Titty shot or not I just couldn’t sit through #Twilight #NewMoon – I got up and walked out far before the halfway point. To my surprise Kristen was waiting by my car … I knew I shouldn’t but I motioned for her to get in and we fucked in my backseat.
Found out that night we were perfect for each other. Her dick fit me perfectly….
and afterwards is when she said to me that she was pregnant.
Little did we know but there was only a few seconds left in our life. Miles upon miles above the city NASA’s global space fueling station failed to fire the mechanism that would keep it in constant orbit around the earth. It slipped into the atmosphere and shattered into several burning crimson shards most of which burned up. However it only took one 120 ton block of a space station to destroy our pathetic existence. You ask how I tell you this now you might ask? Well it turns out Zombies are quite intelligent.
I came home and found a post-it note on my computer from Kristen (I have to remember to get my apartment key back!) that said she was using my computer to work on a screenplay. A mix between 28 Days Later and Armageddon.
Sounds terrible. Also, Kristen wasn’t really pregnant – it was just a desperate attempt … which didn’t entirely surprise me.
The screenplay could only be described as part genius, part machine. It was the story of a man who came out of a coma 4 weeks in length, finding the world he knew had been destroyed by a virus which had turned everyone into zombies, save a few survivors. He and this ragtag group of drillers would later stop the zombie horde by planting a nuclear warhead in an asteroid that was hurtling towards earth. Kristen had not fully explained how this asteroid would kill the zombies, but had left a footnote saying the full soundtrack would be done by Aerosmith.
With every page, another small tear was made in my heart, as this screenplay was an obvious allegory for our relationship. Thank God she had not finished the screenplay, or my heart would now be ripped in two.
After I finished weeping, I jacked off and went to sleep.
It was over when i found out her teeth were fake
Rob really feels he needs to break it off with Kristen cuz he is really in love with an ex model, goes by the name Jo. they arer meant to spend the rest of there lives together, they knew from the first time they looked into each others eyes, Jo & Rob knew it was love at first sight. Kristen was just a passing fling, until Jo came along. Jo is his whole world. She is the woman of his dreams, to be together forever. They have passion, respect, strong attraction only for each other, love so deep no one could ever come between them, not even Kristen. The end … only Rob & Jo can finish this true story …
Then Jo woke up and realized that she was dreaming. Nothing had happened. Rob & Kristen were friends, but Rob was dating Juliet Stewart.
I turned off the soap opera I was watching on Telemundo. How did they make an episode of my life and not gotten the rights?
Or the time I said “I love your balloon knot spider monkey” she bit her lip and frowned.
she tried to fit it in her mouth, but again, she chocked like Lindsey Jacobellis.
so she Jo went to sleep watching the soap opera and dreamed about rob and kristen and only hoped it would come true
There are days when you know nothing is going to happen and there are days when you feel everything might happen. The morning I first ran into Kristen was one of the latter …
Spending time with Kristen changes you and looking back I can see that I was a different person then than I am now … I’d dare to declare these two me’s as “pre-Kristen” and “post Kristen” …
The sun was shining as it always did those first few months …
There was something about the frailty and awkwardness, the uncertainty, the second guessing, the fear that I might break her that drew me to Kristen … I never realized that these instincts were actually foreshadowing the future …
She was wearing her hair down when we first met. The night she stayed over, she had pulled her hair back and that it is when I noticed – the fivehead.
I’m sorry my mom was texting me through our entire dinner at Cin-Cin. You’re right it was rude, but what is worse Kristen? Getting text’s from my mom, or you showing up with ANOTHER GUY! I thought we were exclusive. I want my stuffed koala bear back.
Actually I still love you. I don’t care if you love someone else. I’m here FOREVER.
Remember when you shared that story with me about your brother looking at you in the shower. Now I get it.
I love how you always smell like soap!
I can’t get enough of you biting your lip! I was surprised that you even do it in the shower while washing your hair!
Consequently the first thing I said to Kristen Stewart was, “Hey, we’re wearing the same black hoodie … where’d you get yours?”
She just laughed. That was my favorite. So unexpected, her laugh. She would only cry at the movies, and only at the horrible obvious ones.
We once fucked on Robert Pattinson’s bed. At that moment, I felt like the sexiest man on the face of the earth.
She always hated when I used that word, but that’s what I brought to Kristen … a realism that she rarely sees in her world.
They say that smell is the sense tied closest to our memories… no wonder the pungent funk of skunk weed and Doritos® Cool Ranch chips makes me think of you.
I always thought about pearl necklaces when I smelt those chips.
And by pearl necklaces I mean the dreams you told me of. Those cold mornings we’d wake up holding each other and you’d tell me about your dreams about diving deep into the dark water.
“Soooooo hot, Black hoodie was a bad idea” screamed Kristen.
“Do you know what a dreamcatcher is?” I asked.
“No, I don’t. Please tell me,” Kristen said.
“It’s the towel or sock I used to wipe up after I jerk-off thinking about you and that hoodie,” I explained.
“Oh,” she said.
“I guess that means my “back” and “face” are also dream catchers?”
Breaking up with @officialkrist was my doing & don’t get me wrong, obviously I was never so unrefined during our relationship. Looking back I find humor is a good way to deal with my brief moments of heartache …
Let’s go back to the good times … like when we shared our first milkshake and Kristen ‘white-girl’ rapped that Missy Elliott song.
I laughed so hard at her ‘wrappin’. She could always make me laugh.
Kristen wasn’t too happy with the strawberry shake I had come out of my nose.
maybe we should just forget about it. or maybe we should be together forever. come back to me :/ i love you.
“Bumped” into Kristen on my way to work again this morning … she had two coffees and played like she hadn’t planned on seeing me … it’s just getting too obvious, but thanks for the coffee anyways babe.
I know you had a long night filming the latest #twilight movie on Abbot and Water.
Don’t worry babe, one day you’ll be in a real Film Festival movie.
Kristen would come over and reminisce about “Into the Wild” to which I’d always ask, “so did anything juicy happen on the set of Twilight today?”
and she’d always just brush it off, cause she never wanted me to know that she had a shitty day cause she was thinking about me the whole time, and that the director gave her shit AGAIN for not biting her lip at the right time!
Some time has past, and things started to cool off with Kristen and me. I wasn’t sure what it was. Maybe it was because I made out with her sister?
Kristen keeps poking me on facebook.
Kristen told me once that she thought she had a voice over narrator like in that Sex In The City TV show … I explained to her that the other word for that was schizophrenia.
I went to see Twilight New Moon cuz I heard Kristen had a sweet titty shot and part of me missed them … when I went to hand my money to the theater attendant he said, “there has been a ticket waiting for you since opening night.”
Kristen and Juliet are often mistaken as sisters, since they have the same last name. They are really good friends. Kris lets Juliet borrow her clothing, and since she is dating Michael, Juliet dates Rob. They’re all happy, and they go to eat sushi together, all four of them :3
I had bought the tickets to CATS for us 2 weeks before. But on the night, she never showed. I waited outside the theatre for her until they closed the doors. There was no word from her all night. I texted her the next morning, “so, i guess you died on the way to meet me…” She never texted back. In fact, she might really have died. Im not sure.
But then I realize she can’t die. Robert would protect her. That was always my shortcoming. Guess they were at modern burger.
She bit her lip and then I said GOODBYE
Titty shot or not I just couldn’t sit through #Twilight #NewMoon – I got up and walked out far before the halfway point. To my surprise Kristen was waiting by my car … I knew I shouldn’t but I motioned for her to get in and we fucked in my backseat.
Found out that night we were perfect for each other. Her dick fit me perfectly….
and afterwards is when she said to me that she was pregnant.
Little did we know but there was only a few seconds left in our life. Miles upon miles above the city NASA’s global space fueling station failed to fire the mechanism that would keep it in constant orbit around the earth. It slipped into the atmosphere and shattered into several burning crimson shards most of which burned up. However it only took one 120 ton block of a space station to destroy our pathetic existence. You ask how I tell you this now you might ask? Well it turns out Zombies are quite intelligent.
I came home and found a post-it note on my computer from Kristen (I have to remember to get my apartment key back!) that said she was using my computer to work on a screenplay. A mix between 28 Days Later and Armageddon.
Sounds terrible. Also, Kristen wasn’t really pregnant – it was just a desperate attempt … which didn’t entirely surprise me.
The screenplay could only be described as part genius, part machine. It was the story of a man who came out of a coma 4 weeks in length, finding the world he knew had been destroyed by a virus which had turned everyone into zombies, save a few survivors. He and this ragtag group of drillers would later stop the zombie horde by planting a nuclear warhead in an asteroid that was hurtling towards earth. Kristen had not fully explained how this asteroid would kill the zombies, but had left a footnote saying the full soundtrack would be done by Aerosmith.
With every page, another small tear was made in my heart, as this screenplay was an obvious allegory for our relationship. Thank God she had not finished the screenplay, or my heart would now be ripped in two.
After I finished weeping, I jacked off and went to sleep.
It was over when i found out her teeth were fake
Rob really feels he needs to break it off with Kristen cuz he is really in love with an ex model, goes by the name Jo. they arer meant to spend the rest of there lives together, they knew from the first time they looked into each others eyes, Jo & Rob knew it was love at first sight. Kristen was just a passing fling, until Jo came along. Jo is his whole world. She is the woman of his dreams, to be together forever. They have passion, respect, strong attraction only for each other, love so deep no one could ever come between them, not even Kristen. The end … only Rob & Jo can finish this true story …
Then Jo woke up and realized that she was dreaming. Nothing had happened. Rob & Kristen were friends, but Rob was dating Juliet Stewart.
I turned off the soap opera I was watching on Telemundo. How did they make an episode of my life and not gotten the rights?
Or the time I said “I love your balloon knot spider monkey” she bit her lip and frowned.
she tried to fit it in her mouth, but again, she chocked like Lindsey Jacobellis.
so she Jo went to sleep watching the soap opera and dreamed about rob and kristen and only hoped it would come true